I dream of you. You dream of me.
You are sitting in the lap of a great light being.
I felt this being, before I saw her.

I was floating, then I pictured a vast forest.
Then beyond that, the sea.
I could sense the light behind me, but I didn’t think it was for me.

I thought I would have to go through the forest.
A dark, although not unfriendly forest.
I thought I would have to find my way all the way to the other side.
To the shore, where the waves lapped onto the beach.

But that wasn’t for me.
That was a journey I didn’t need to take.
I have been on many journeys, but somehow I know that if I went on that one, there was too much at stake.

Then, gradually, I started to feel the warmth from the light.
I turned around slowly and in the distance, there was a light being.
A queen. She was suspended and surrounded by light, solid and fluid at the same time.
A deeply peaceful person.

I could not make out too much detail, because she was in the shadow of her own great light.
She was sitting on a throne.
I knew she was smiling.
She was waiting for me to turn towards the light.

When I got there, I could see you.
There you were, sitting in her lap.
You were a tiny baby and she was cradling you.

I started to walk towards her and I merged with her light field.

I dream of you. You dream of me.

We did not have much to talk about that week, left our lives and the outside world behind.  Would not have known that mercury was retrograde, even though the effects were causing havoc in our lives before we left.

 Did not take long to change to a slower pace, although in that place, there is an absence of pace.  Something reaffirming about the mountains being there, the sea being there, the same trees, the lakes.

 The swans, the bouy, the boats.

 A taste of life away from people: we saw more animals than people.

Was poverty in the walls of the place? The famine hit hard around there, people dropping out of existence, a hundred thousand losses, a million, millions in the whole country, and in that place enough to change the demographics and what of their children’s children’s children?

 The pot, kettle and stove well worn. How many winters, hours have they been filled and used, working women, children, working men huddled around the warmth of the fire?

 A life there in the bog land, the bogs, the lakes, the mountains, only the growing up of children to mark the passage of time.

 A rugged beauty about the place and millions and millions of years of earth and rock and change under our feet and under the water.

 We walked there every day and said hello to horses, donkeys, cats, sheep, lambs, people.  We cooked in the cottage every night and sat in front of the fire.

 Life was so blissfully on hold, I forgot the day, month, year.

We meditated some mornings, worked with the breath and the polarity energy in our hands. Everything was crystal clear. It was just you… and me.

 Roundstone – Ervallagh – Roundstone

 Dog’s Bay

 Connemara National Park

 Rosroe – Little Killary – Killary Fjord

 Clifden – Sky Road – D’arcy Ruin – Beach Road

 Tra Mhor (Great Beach) – Ballyconeely (near Connemara Smokehouse - ever tried honey smoked roast tuna?)

 Carna – Loch Troscan

 We visited Brigit’s Garden and I discovered the Celtic Tree Alphabet. Carvings from wood preserved for thousands of years in the bog.

 We journeyed back, entering in to the trepidation.  We are still fighting for them. We are open to the challenge but still sometimes the situation is too much for us to bear.

We were riding a wave that week in the blue sky, sea lake bog world. Life is sweet and not a single if only…

 ”Have you noticed wherever we go there always seems to be a rainbow?”

-Widespread radical social and political change

-Often destructive upheaval

-Massive empowerment of revolutionary and rebellious impulse

-Intensified artistic and intellectual creativity

-Extremely rapid technological advancement

-An underlying spirit of restless experiment

-Drive for innovation

-Urge for freedom resulting in a revolt against oppression

-Embrace of radical political philosophies

-Intensified collective will to bring forth a new world

-Massive demographic shifts

-Fervent, often violent intensity

-Excitement of moving rapidly toward new horizons

Bring it on!  Apparently, the squared aspects of Uranus and Pluto, (an unprecedented) seven times in four years, will bring about a transfiguration of culture and society.

“Uranus is the great awakener, the paradigm shifter, the revolutionary genius — a rebellious Prometheus stealing fire from the gods to liberate humanity.  Pluto is Lord of the Underworld, the harbinger of cathartic and profound evolutionary shift, through relentless transformation, regeneration, death, and rebirth.”

Read more in this article on Reality Sandwich…

As a child, I remember lots of trees, blackberries, gardens full of flowers. Hers was the flowery garden I remembered the most. I could lose myself in there, blending in with the blooms and the sky.
I did not speak to my grandmother enough before she died. How are we to know that the best secrets of that generation go with them? They have seen the passing of time in a way no other generation can. But they don’t even know the things we need to know the most before they go. More than: ‘be happy’, ‘live your dreams’ – the whispered secrets that are told to them only on their way out, before they close the door.

“What was unbearable is not so much – these days, When I look back, I understand, try not to understand. Life was better with its mysteries and pain.

“I look back through my mind’s eye and a tunnel stretches out behind me. Flickering memories, I choose, one by one. One day soon, the tunnel will be in front of me. The fading events will be reeling through my mind. I will fall into the welcome depths. I am smiling; the softness is my death”
There followed a year where I seemed to live in the past. A dark year, that began with navigating the loss of a loved one in a hostile family. The year started with the overwhelming feeling of too many memories, one by one, like butterflies, flying through my mind.

I climbed, step by step, up from the bottom of the well of memory and somewhere on the way up, I once again met my true and present self. The climb from the abyss became a climb upwards towards a pinnacle of what I did not even know yet. I clung to my existence.

From the dark, snowy day when we buried my grandmother, I felt sure I was on a set of Escher’s steps, as winter dragged on. I found though, eventually, and after the turn of the winter, that the stairs I was climbing were leading me closer and closer to my wildest and deepest dreams and actually, here was where I needed to be, here was where I wanted to be and, with my inside smiling, I knew that once winter turned again, the well of memory would be lingering less and less and my dreams would be in front of me, like the box of pandora, suddenly opened.

That year, I didn’t realise there was still so much work to be done. A labyrinth where many others had been lost before. I met the younger selves of my parents and my grandparents. Some of them helped me to the right path. Others did not.

Always, always I could see the sky, the universe. Always, always, I knew I would be as happy as I used to be.

I moved to a new city: new for old, a surreal and distant experience at first, but that is how it feels, when the portal finds you. I moved for love, longing and for the sake of three children I have never met. There is still so much on the threshold – I feel their spirits, their energy, waiting by the door. A battle amongst all the other battles and only the true heart feeling to pull me through.

I said things that needed to be said. I cut some ties. I am cutting ties. I am in the eye of the storm now. My fear has been liberated.